Euro 2004 won by team that is not England

The Euro 2004 football championship was won on Sunday by a team that was not England.

The non-English team triumphed by producing a winning scoreline in the final, which was contested against another team that was not England. The win led to scenes of jubilation in the winning country, although there were no such celebrations in England, whose football team did not win Euro 2004.

The winning team did contain some players that used to play in the English league, or some that will one day play in the English league, or both. So did the losing team. Or possibly not. However, none of the players was English because England failed to reach the final.

Many reasons have been suggested as to why England did not reach Sunday’s final, which was contested between two other countries. The theory that is now gaining the most credence is the selection of a foreign manager.

"I always said that Sven shouldn’t be the England manager," seethed England fan John McGarry. "How can you coach a national team when you don’t even come from that country? You’ll never be able to understand its customs, its culture, its very nature — and definitely not its football. There’s no chance a national team with a foreign manager could ever be successful.

"Ever," he added.

England football superstar Wayne Rooney is believed to have watched the final, which England were not playing in, on a Sony Wega 42" flat-screen TV at his home in Merseyside. During the game he consumed two cans of Diet Coke, one of which was brought to him by his girlfriend Coleen, and a chicken salad sandwich that he had bought at Sainsbury’s earlier that day. At half-time he went upstairs for a wee, before sending a 78-letter text message to fellow England international Steven Gerrard.

The next Euro championship finals, which England could win, take place in 2008.