Buttwasher: King of Football

We can exclusively reveal that Asshausebush, the giant US chemical company, is spearheading a US invasion of our the world's favourite gladiatorial contest. In an unprovoked sneak attack, the USofA sent in its elite force of negotiators and overran the offices of Fifi, the French poodle in charge of organising the World Cup. Within minutes of being bribed with tasty titbits and being offered the chance to be shagged rotten by her choice of Crufts winners, Fifi succumbed and signed a contract so that only Asshausebush's Buttwasher beer will be sold during the World Cup in Germany 2006.

Dwight Redneck III, Asshauseandbush's supremo, explained in an exclusive interview: "We Americans caint play soccar fer shi*t. So if'n we caint win it then we gotta own it." He went on to explain his strategy for world domination of football: "This time we got the beer. Fuc*k them Germans with them thar purity laws, they aint got shi*t. So what if it is being held in their country? Beer don't need to taste of nothing so long as you got good marketing. Next time we bring in our allies, the clan MacDonalds, and we take over the food franchise."

The MacDonalds are well known the world over for decimating whole civilisations by first destroying their victims' taste buds, followed by the removal of all interest in food that does not come between two pieces of bread and served with strings of reformed fried potato and finally inflicting an epidemic of obesity.

When asked about his final goal Dwight said: "In 10 yeers thar won't be a stadium big enough to hold thousands of lard-assed fans so Fifi will be forced to move the games permanently to the US where we have expertise in this field, seein' as we created the problem."

"In 15 years we will have renamed the games to World Series II and limited entrance to one team from each US state, and maybe the Japanese 'cos we can beat them."

In a previous campaign, now seen as a warm up to the current conflict, Redneck led his Asshausebush stormtroopers into to Czechoslovakia, now the Czech Republic and Slovakia, and annexed the Buttwasher brand name. "We came up with the name first, according to our lawyers," pleaded Redneck. "And we've got more money."