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Devastating tsunami threatens humanity

An outspoken specialist on the dangers of humour has shocked world opinion by pointing out the very real peril of a large piece of comedy material breaking off from an isolated landmass in the ocean with calamitous and unimaginable effects on the rest of the world of satire.

For several years The Rockall Times has stood on its own in a sea of indifference causing no harm to anyone. From time to time small "nuggets" of so-called amusing words have cracked apart from the main body of text without any noticeable effect on anywhere else. However, Professor Hester Laines of the University of Southern East Anglia has now calculated that if present writing trends continue then in the very near future a piece of material that is actually funny may "break off" from The Rockall Times with awesome consequences for the rest of the world. This piece of material is said by Professor Laines to be "as big as, or at least as funny as, the Isle of Man".

Although expert opinion has long agreed that something like this is theoretically possible, informed opinion has traditionally thought that the chances of it actually taken place veer towards nil — based upon the historical data of unfunny stories about Sven, drugs, and the BBC. "As far as I can see, all the jokes at The Rockall Times are what we call dormant", expounded an irritating man from The Onion, "if not actually dead."

But speaking at a conference to mark the three years' colonisation of The Rockall Times, Professor Laines was defiant: "There is every chance that once this outstanding piece of wit and drollness becomes available to the rest of mankind, their existing defences against amusement of this kind may be inadequate." Monitoring by Professor Laines equipment has indicated that some jokes being developed have the potential to create volcanic hilarity.

Going on — and on and on — Professor Laines explained: "After this massively entertaining piece of material reaches land elsewhere than Rockall it is expected to hit the coast and create havoc before moving inland to shock the major towns and cities".

Previously

• Satire site's parochial observation makes man roar 'that's so true'
• The greater the money, the less the funny
• George Dubya Bush is stupid

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