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Danes rattle sabre over Rockall — again

Barely a month passes at the luxurious waterfront offices of The Rockall Times without some herring-eating Scandie attempting to plant the Danish flag on Rockall. Previous attempts have centred around the proximity of Britain's North Atlantic frontier to the Faroe Islands — that international hub of woolly jumper trading. Now, however, we have a new angle, courtesy of the strangely unDanish-sounding Tom Moore. Read on:

Denmark's claim on Rockall, arises from her ownership of Greenland, as a possession from 1721, until 1775 when Greenland became a Danish colony, until 1953 when Greenland became an integral part of Denmark, until 1979 when Greenland obtained home rule using it in 1985 to leave the European Union. Denmark obviously did not grant home rule to islands outside Greenland's territorial waters, but obviously part of the Danish empire, by reason of being within Denmark, as clearly Rockall was, when Greenland became an integral part of Denmark.

Also, Danish women are better looking.

Well, we admit that your Danish filly does have a certain allure — especially when she's bent over an enormous shank of smoked bacon swigging schnapps from the bottle.

But with regard to Denmark's claim on Rockall, readers' attention is directed to our policy statement concerning Denmark and Rockall, which states the following for the record:

Total number of ballistic missile submarines:

• UK: 4
• Denmark: 0

Total number of operationally-available nuclear warheads:

• UK: 200+
• Denmark: 0

And there you have it. We cordially invite the Danes to don their behorned helmets and man their longboats for an assault on the sacred isle. Two words spring to mind: "General" and "Belgrano". Enough said.

Previously

• Policy announcement: Denmark and Rockall
• The complete history of Rockall
• The Rockall Times' at-a-glance guide to the new Europe

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