The human cost of Rooney's prostitute shame

The tsunami of outrage following the revelation that a prostitute entertained Everton/Manchester United (delete as appropriate) and England lump Wayne Rooney now threatens to cause the glamorous star to leave the city for pastures new, we can reveal

As Gina McGarrick is reckoned to be one of the Brookside Brothel’s top performers this could upset some patrons but she has come under a torrent of censure for her admission that she disgraced the world’s oldest profession by sleeping with Mr Potato Man for next to naught.

Public opinion across Merseyside has been shocked that a good-looking Liverpudlian hooker like McGarrick would be prepared to go with the Shrek look-alike for a mere forty-five quid. “Her easy virtue is worth more than that," opined one wag on a Ferry cross the Mersey who recalled many happy minutes of McGarrick dressed up in a schoolgirl skirt and Everton shirt.

In a press conference marked by tears before bedtime and rumpy-pumpy a distraught McGarrick confessed: “I am so, so ashamed of what I did. There is no excuse for this sort of behaviour. I admit to being seduced by the money but all my friends tell me that I did wrong. I just hope the fan base I’ve built up over the years on Merseyside will see me through and that my clientele will forgive me.”

Meanwhile the bit-part player in the drama, Rooney, is understood to be considering a move to Old Trafford where he will receive £1m a week plus the run of Sir Alex Ferguson's "stable of bitches" at a concessionary rate.

Previously

• Rooney romance speculation reaches critical mass
• Tearful Rooney fiancée relives birthday nightmare
• Your cut-out-and-keep Wayne Rooney Factfile