Radcliffe doubtful for Rockall Games
Olympic heroine 'not mentally prepared' for challenge
by Janus Motsonius
Dogged British Olympic hero Paula Radcliffe has sensationally admitted that she may not participate in next week's scheduled Rockall Games, we can reveal.
The Rockall Olympic Committee (ROC) made the solemn announcement early this morning after previously confirming with some certainty that Radcliffe would run the 10 metre egg-and-spoon and the 15 metre three-legged events during the North Atlantic's premier sporting meet. A ROC spokesman told The Rockall Times: "There are apparently concerns that Ms Radcliffe is not mentally prepared for the challenge. She faces some top-quality and highly-motivated international talent and does not want to run unless she is absolutely guaranteed of success."
Indeed, insiders confirm that Radcliffe's main rival for egg-and-spoon gold — Brazilian three-year-old Katarina Barbosa — just last week clocked a personal best of 2 minutes 43 seconds, dropping the boiled egg a mere three times along the gruelling 10 metre course. A sports psychologist told us: "Paula is geared to win and if she sees a toddler blazing past her she's likely to collapse sobbing by the side of the track. And we don't need any more of that, do we?"
Furthermore, conditions are unlikely to favour Radcliffe, with sun, light winds and a temperature of around 18°C forecast for the three-day athletic jamboree. As an electrolytic drink manufacturer put it: "Paula's worried that the winds might be coming from an unfavourable direction, that the Atlantic might be just a little to grey-green for her liking, that Rockall itself is an inauspicious shape, that the atmospheric pressure may be a little high, that the hotel bed might be a little on the hard side, that the Earth's atmosphere may contain traces of argon and that Japanese whaling vessels may assemble off the island to mock her for her Olympic Marathon crash-and-burn."
Radcliffe is also doubtful for the demanding three-legged sprint. Rumours that she fears another trackside blubberfest if the UK's number one line-up of Kelly Holmes and Amir Khan threaten at any stage to overtake her are unconfirmed.
Previously