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Tearful Milburn kids tout school recorder concert ticket

The children of the new Labour Election supremo Alan Milburn ("Wor Alan") are understood to be seeking buyers for a ticket to next week’s recorder concert extravaganza at Bigg Market Primary School in Northumberland at which they will be giving it some on the euphonious plastic instrument.

The pair will be performing "When The Boat Comes In" as well as "The Blairdon Races" on Wednesday evening at seven o’clock sharp and had been expecting both parents to be there. In accordance with school rules they had purchased two tickets, priced at £2.50 each, well in advance, in the expectation that their father would be attending and would need one. Now the sudden change in his plans means that one of the tickets is surplus — and Mr Milburn senior is understood to be “unable” to pay.

“This is not fair,” commented Jimmy to a Rockall Times reporter who had patiently camped outside the family home overnight before handing over a Kit-Kat Chunky and an alco-pop to encourage his source to talk. “We were going to get the money back from dad and now we can’t." His tearful brother Jackie explained: “He’s told us that he won’t be paying us for it. And he’s cut our pocket money as well because he says living in London is so expensive.”

Milburn’s office told The Rockall Times that the expected higher costs of accommodation and travel — as well as meals, entertainment and holidays to recover from all the stress — down South necessitate the reordering of his finances. Anonymously another source close to the Minister described the Bigg Market Primary School’s concerts as “quite frankly a bit of a bore anyway” and “not worth going to”. Plus “there was no written contract that Alan would pay for the thing was there?”

Milburn who resigned as Health Minister a couple of years ago to spend more time with this offspring has now decided that quite enough time has been spent with the pair leading to the Pendolino of events that caused the sudden availability of the ticket. Demand so far is described as “sparse”.

Previously

• Milburn kids 'fed up already'
• Too few nurses? Nonsense, says Milburn
• Labour to eliminate NHS trolley waits

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