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  Monday 20th September 2004  The Arts   Powered by Yeast Logic
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Woman fakes orgasm on live TV

Gusset moistened, nation stunned
by Paparazzi O'Leery

The talented and bubbly co-host of ITV's Loose Women last week stunned audiences across Britain with the admission that she had suffered a "gusset-moistening incident" while interviewing hunky Judge John Deed actor Martin Shaw.

Jenni Trent Hughes: MoistJenni Trent Hughes giggled coyly as she revealed that the earth had indeed moved for her when she enjoyed a shattering orgasm which "soaked the studio floor with love juices and left me totally satisfied as a woman". Hughes further confessed that she had not employed any manual manipulation of her throbbing box, but had simply willed herself to climax while viewers innocently enjoyed her entertaining interviewing style.

Sources close to the show refused to confirm that Hughes had indeed reached the peak of Mount Venus while chatting to the amiable Shaw. One insider did, however, make a reference to "buckets, mops and plenty of 'em".

As soon as news of the celebrity orgasm reached rarely-clad former nurse Abi Titmuss — the ex-squeeze of Devil-worshipping John Leslie — immediately rushed to The Rockall Times' offices from a beach in the Caribbean where her clothes had mysteriously deserted her body just as a charabanc of hurricane-chasing paparazzi phtotographers was passing.

A breathless Titmuss evaded the tight security charged with keeping her from the building to reveal that she too could achieve an orgasm by sheer mind power alone. "Look," she moaned while hitching up her diaphanous skirt. "I'm coming now. You can see my vaginal muscles contracting. Would you like to get a photograph of that?"

When we politely declined Ms Titmuss' offer, she immediately stropped off to the News of the World, pausing only to "freshen up" with paper towels and a cup of chilled mineral water from the Rockall Times' cooler.

Next week

"I came so hard during Tom Cruise interview that studio looked like Boscastle," admits shy GMTV presenter.

Previously

Explore the Wonderful World of Bono: International Roving Rock Punditry