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Rogue football agent shames the Beautiful Game™

A well-established agent for several leading Premiership players is facing a life-time ban from the game after his actions were deemed "inimical to standards expected of the profession" by a judge in a court case.

Peter Stratford — whose clients include stars with many top clubs as well as Manchester City — is accused of spending time that could have been better used menacing rivals at motorway service stations in the dead of night by instead dealing with routine tax matters, handling paperwork for obscure licensing deals abroad, meeting with low-level league officials to discuss minor technical issues, and knowingly furthering the interests of his clients through meticulously following rules and regulations — however boring.

"There is no evidence that Mr Stratford has ever bothered to threaten anyone or even appear vaguely intimidating," explained an expert on the subject who also confirmed that no one he knew had ever met any large "friends" of Stratford wearing leather jackets and sunglasses.

These revelations came to light in a recent court case brought by an adviser to the brilliant young star Darren Chav who is contesting control of Chav's affairs from Stratford on the legal basis that "I want the all the lolly for myself basically". To back up his case the adviser, Rod Wiler, surreptitiously recorded a disturbing meeting he had with Stratford and others at Aunt Jemima's Tea Shop in Southport on a wet April afternoon, with a hidden video camera.

The most damning excerpt showed Stratford telling an unnamed employee from the Inland Revenue that he was "most concerned about sub-section 2.54 of the amended pecuniary code and how it affects clients such as mine with their income stream being adversely affected by delayed pension rights in the EU area". Later he is seen blatantly offering a cup of tea to the man and then asking if he "would like a Hob-Nob to go with it?" When the meeting concludes he wishes all of those present a "good day" and leaves to catch the 32 bus. At no stage did Wiler ever apparently do anything that could possibly be construed as worth writing into a Guy Richie screenplay.

The case continues.

Previously

• Diary of a Premiership footballer
• Fans salute George Best's return to match fitness
• Leeds player omitted from transfer list

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