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Nader begs Dubya to step aside

Independent presidential candidate Ralph Nader has begged beleaguered incumbent George Bush to pull out of this year’s election contest to give him a clear run at defeating “flip-flopper” John Kerry.

As 4 November draws ever closer, most non-partisan polls show that the total of people intending to vote for Nader and Bush would be greater than the share likely to be going to Kerry — and this by an amount greater than the established pollsters “margin of error”.

In the previous election in 2000, Bush’s share of the total vote was already slightly below that of Al Gore and after four years of strident protest against his efforts to bring war to the world there are those that fear his popularity could fall so low as to make him unelectable. Faced with the possibility of the deeply unattractive John Kerry taking office, some of those who advocated Bush last time may be persuaded to move over to a more eye-catching candidate.

Stop forward the man who brought proper road safety to the USA and has fought all this working life for better conditions for the wider population. Despite these hideously un-American activities, Nader is still thought by many to be the lesser evil when compared to the Boston Strangler.

Nader is pushing the Anyone But Kerry angle for all it’s worth. “I know you’re all desperate to see the duplicitous Senator sent back Massachusetts," declared Nader to an empty hall of non-cheering supporters and an advance man from the Bush-Cheney campaign taking copious notes on his Blackberry. “This can be done but only if we unite and fight.”

Nader’s efforts so far have been largely bankrolled by wealthy Republicans allowing him to get on the ballot in over thirty states despite Democrat efforts to the contrary. This has led to a communality of interest and strategists have pointed out that a decision by Bush to step aside could make a victory for Nader mathematically near-certain. “If I win every one of those thirty states then I’m in the White House," declaimed a pumped-up Nader while tucking into a falafel before adding: "It can be done my fellow vegetarians."

Previously

• Bush and Kerry to face Bono
• Democrat dirty tricks slur rocks US election
• Texas legislates on public defecation

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