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Revealed: The sickening legacy of Pitcairn

In shocking world news this week, a catalogue of sexual wrong doing has been unfolding on the tiny South Pacific island of Pitcairn. For years it was thought that islanders enjoyed the frugal pleasures of a sea-bound idyll, hunting wild goats in the woods and swimming effortlessly in leafy pools, their modesty covered only by chamois loincloths. The most they were ever guilty of was being descended from despicable HMS Bounty mutineer Fletcher Christian and his fellow reprobates, and being so inbred they only share four surnames between them. This view has been shattered forever, as a culture of underage sex and physical abuse spanning 40 years has been revealed to the world, following trials conducted by the British Crown.

But in a disturbing discovery The Rockall Times can reveal that this sort of stomach-turning debauchery is happening much closer to home — in fact, it’s taking place in several remote parts of Great Britain. Undercover surveillance has found that several isolated valleys in South Wales have experienced similar, if not worse, human rights abuses. Commonly dramatised as “The Land That Time Forgot”, South Wales has long been cut off from the outside world, existing in a twilight drudge of valley, slag-heap, mountain and poverty. So long have these routine perversions been going on that local men have even invented their own language to boast of their exploits, referred to in common parlance as “Welsh”.

But it’s not just physical isolation that seems to create the right conditions for these wrong-doings. The dismal social failure that is Slough has also seen its fair share of abuses. So bad is the situation in one of the UK’s most stricken towns that the UN has warned of a steady flow of human traffic, girls as young as twelve being whisked across Europe to earn a living as a Moldovan whore, desperately searching for a better life for themselves and their family. The Moldovan authorities have made strenuous entreaties to the British government and the EU, but little is being done to address this growing problem.

Of course, in certain areas of Britain under-age consensual relations are permitted, if not encouraged. All over the gently rolling hills of Somerset, Devon and Cornwall, local government openly condone the practice of what might be termed in other parts as sexual crimes. Traditionally, West Country men take wives when they are in the full bloom of youth, with several child-rearing days ahead of them. We spoke to one such man, Mr A Cutler, and asked him if he believed he was doing anything wrong. “I ain’t done nothing wrong. Things have been done this way around here for more score years than I can tell you. We all takes our wives young ‘n sweet for childbirth. ‘Course, once they’ve calfed down once too often, you stick ‘em out to pasture or send ‘em to the abattoir for glue.”

Home Secretary David Blunkett has refuted such claims though, prompting comments from human rights groups and opposition MPs that he may be turning a blind eye to the problem.

Previously

• Teen magazine vice shame shocker
• Caged kiddie-fiddler likely to serve 'ten minutes in open prison'
• Dear Dierdre: I've been branded a paedo sex beast!

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