Unexpected outbreak of news catches media on the hop

It's all go out there

by our foreign affairs newsdesk

Reports are coming in of an outbreak of newsworthy events which are even as we speak taking place outside the United States of America. Details are sketchy, but here are the first indications:

In the UK, a collision between an express train and a car on a level crossing kills seven.
Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan al-Nahyan of the United Arab Emirates pops his clogs.
Seven arrested in Ghana charged with plotting to overthrow president John Kufuor.
Yasser Arafat very poorly in French hospital.
Trouble in the Ivory Coast as French peacekeepers come under attack. French retaliate by destorying the country's airforce.
Two members of the Black Watch seriously injured in Iraq.
US troops prepare to attack Fallujah.

News agencies have little further information since most of their foreign correspondents still in the US following up on the presidential election by interviewing everyone in the country on a "how does the result affect you?" basis. However, editors are struggling to control the outbreak by relegating anything not related to George Bush and John Kerry to page 13 or thereafter, where precise detail or in-depth coverage is not required.

"It's a bit of a bugger, to be honest," admitted one BBC News 24 hack who was hauled off a plane about to leave for Washington and sent to Berkshire to look at the wreckage of the fatal train crash. "Obviously it's front-page stuff for people in Britain, but it's draining vital resources for our excellent coverage of the Bush administration's second term. Because of this I had to cancel an interview with the owner of a sportswear shop in Delaware who was convinced that Dubya was the only man with a viable plan for the indigenous US running shoe industry. Sure, a few people have died, but compared to the future of the US of A it's just not that important."

We spoke via video phone with our Iraq correspondent Alvin Jazeera who is currently embedded with US forces on the outskirts of Fallujah. Or at least we think that's where he is, because Alvin is a little hazy about the current situation on the ground. "Fallujah you say? Really?" he crackled over the dramatic satellite connection. "Sorry, I have no idea. I've been watching the excellent post-US-election coverage on BBC News 24 down in the Black Watch rec room in Camp Dogwood. I do know that two of our boys got hit today by a suicide bomber, but's that's only because they interrupted an analysis of Bush's winter wardrobe to give us the bad news."

The media hopes to have the rash of troublesome foreign events dealt with by Wednesday, when it can get back to the essential business of previewing the 2008 US preseidential election to a rapt audience of billions.

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Unexpected outbreak of news catches media on the hop

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