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  Monday 22nd November 2004  Society   Powered by Yeast Logic
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Man saves money to make purchase

A sobering tale of fiscal madness
by Flash Gorman

The noble institution of British Credit has been rattled to its 38 per cent minimum extremities by the actions of Northampton resident Dave Retford — a man smitten with the desire to purchase a plasma screen TV but who shockingly waited until he had built sufficient savings to purchase the item outright, rather than slapping it on his credit card.

In an unparalleled feat of fiscal engineering, Retford put away a proportion of his wages into what he has termed a “savings account”. In-depth research by The Rockall Times has revealed that “savings accounts” are an archaic throw-back to the days when banks used to insist their customers were vaguely solvent. Under this bizarre regime, customers are expected to put money into their banks rather than today’s preferred practice of just racking up mountains of debt.

It had been thought that all “savings accounts” had long since disappeared, but Retford managed to sign up for one the Corby Building society had inexplicably failed to close down.

Retford explained: “The building society took some persuading at first, especially when they discovered they were supposed to pay me interest rather than the other way round, but it was one of the accounts listed in their books so they had to let me have it in the end.

“Having the savings account meant I could gradually build up the money , helped by the interest I was earning, and buy the plasma telly without getting into debt.”

Naturally, such odd behaviour has been roundly condemned in financial circles. A spokesman for the British Credit Union was keen to point out the potential health hazards of Mr Retford's activities: “Here we have a situation where someone wants something but does not get it straight away. This could lead to potentially disturbing feelings of frustration and longing. There is also a risk then they will become deeply jealous of their friends and neighbours, who take the sensible route and immediately obtain their items of longing by the simple expedient of landing themselves in crippling debt.”

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