Campaigners slam mobile MMS jizzfest

Women's groups and anti-pornography campaigners are expressing their dismay over a graphic advert for Vodafone's Multimedia Messaging Service. The picture features a climaxing teenage girl receiving a jizz-load in the eye from a mystery donor and has been criticised heavily by the carpet munching community and some Tory MPs. The advert is designed to breath life into the lacklustre MMS market in the UK by portraying teenage girls with an optical wank fetish.

Vodafilth hit back today, telling The Rockall Times: "it's just a sign of what is going to drive the wireless market of the future. We're expecting our MMS servers to be floating on a tsunami of cum in the run-up to Christmas." Further controversy is likely later this week as the campaign hots up and moves to television. The TV ad will feature the same panting, expectant open-mouthed teenager but with the musical backdrop off the popular Christmas Carol "Come All Ye Faithful". In what is to be a series of outrageous publicity-grabbing 30 second prime time spots the girl will be dick-splashed by celebrity wankers. In the first of the series Radio One castoff and Five Live frontman Simon Salad Cream will drizzle her ear with his own brand of mayonaisse.

Sexual Health charities have also come down hard on the campaign. "She is clearly playing fast and loose with her sexual welfare," Mary Whitehouse told the Today Programme this morning. "She's taking one from behind and receiving one in the eye. The only safe way to do this would be to wrap her head in cling film and use a butt plug. Never take it up the arse on a first date," she told John Humphries.

Mary Whitehouse is dead.

Previously

• Rowan Raunchbitch's torrid sex tips for red-hot lovers: The Pearl Necklace
• Whitehouse death heralds flood of TV filth
• UK Porn industry in Third World humanitarian airlift