Colin Powell rewarded with exotic golden handshake

In a break with tradition, the US has decided to dispense with the traditional leaving present for outgoing Secretary of State Colin Powell — a gold watch bearing a relief carving of John Wayne stuffed into a delicious pumpkin hewn into a representation of George Washington — and has instead awarded the old soldier a once-in-a-lifetime bespoke adventure holiday to the West Bank and Gaza.

"Colin is an ex-military guy," said a spokesman for the President. "Somehow a gold pocket watch just didn't seem appropriate. The old timer looks like he could use a bit of pizzazz — and this is just the holiday to deliver it in trumps."

However, it isn't just the venerable Vietnam veteran who will be sampling this new form of vacation. Extreme adventure holidays have become increasingly popular in recent years among ordinary Americans. Iraq is currently a favoured destination, pipping ever-popular Afghanistan to take top spot for thrill-seeking Yanks. Indeed, some reports suggest as many as 130,000 Americans have visited Iraq this year alone, causing accommodation shortages but much joy among tour operators. As one happy rep in Fallujah put it: "Basically, we've taken every room in the city. The place is jam-packed with ordinary Joes looking for a change from two weeks in Florida. And I tell you what, they love it. Ninety per cent of our customers have outstayed the initially agreed length of their trip by months."

The rep further enthused: "This business is booming — so much so that we are going to add North Korea and Iran to our itineraries. Look out for some real exciting destinations during the next four years."

But Powell's tour has, as you would expect, that little something extra befitting a former US Secretary of State. The US ambassador to Israel explained: "Colin Powell views himself as a diplomat, so we thought it would be nice if we could work that aspect into the trip, seeing as he never got to do any proper negotiating during his tenure."

"This is so cool!" enthused Patrick Planker, CEO of tour operator "Rebel Yell" who are organising the trip. "He'll be meeting officials on both sides of the political divide, both Israelis and suicide bombers. He'll have lunch and they'll make like he's a real US envoy, even though he's been sacked."

Planker is keen to tap this embryonic market, having recently unveiled a new subsidiary named "Destination Diplomacy" which seeks to target "disaffected, idealists who naively thought they could make a difference". And with the Bush administration firmly ensconced in the Whitehouse for another four years, prospects look bright indeed.

Previously

• US rules out attack on North Korea
• Powell in West Bank ultimatum
• Democracy imminent in war-torn republic