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Revealed: The speed-crazed madness of UK road racing ring

Shining like a beacon of truth and justice, The Rockall Times has uncovered a network in which speed-crazed maniacs race high-powered cars on public roads — indifferent to the possibility of fatal collisions with decorated war heroes towing caravans, or running over terrified kiddies fleeing from paedophile illegal immigrants.

But even more shocking is the revelation that the drivers participating in this dangerous and highly illegal “sport” are all serving police officers.

Our highly-trained newshounds first became suspicious after a number of prominent traffic policemen were caught doing high speeds on public roads. Chillingly, most of these officers had themselves been most vociferous in condemning irresponsible driving, leading us to suspect a Masonic-style speed conspiracy on a national scale.

Take the most recent case of Derbyshire Chief Constable David Coleman, a staunch anti-speeding campaigner, who was stopped whilst being “driven by his chauffeur” at 97 mph. Or the police chief in charge of Greater Manchester’s traffic, Steve Thomas, who was caught doing a whopping 104 mph. Or former chief constable of Devon and Cornwall Police, Sir John Evans, caught driving at 66 mph in a 40 mph zone.

Co-incidence? We think not.

In fact, we can now reveal, after an exhaustive undercover operation involving literally hundreds of plainclothes hacks in Ford Fiestas, that these pillars of society are fully paid-up members of a shady road-racing ring organised by the police force for the benefit of velocity-crazed senior officers.

Our investigation led us to a backstreet car-tuning operation in Manchester, where one serving traffic cop agreed to spill the beans in return for anonymity and a small cash payment “for our road crash victim charity appeal”.

“Its been a big thing in the force for a while now,” explained our informant. “Lots of our head honchos got bored of piloting a desk and hauling uniforms over the coals for racism and started racing each other. Now it’s a proper championship, with one race a month and local teams financed by the Rotary Club. Old “Mad bastard” Brunstrom — North Wales Police Chief — is the current leader with his “TurboPlod” outfit. He’s a serious petrol head I can tell you, seen him do a ton fifty down Cardiff high street the other week.”

“Of course normally all the traffic officers in the area are given the nod beforehand, but sometimes not everyone is in on it and you get some green young pillock who’ll pull one of the racers over. Doesn’t do their career a lot of good I can tell you.”

Representatives of The Rockall Times yesterday made our dossier available to the authorities. It was gratefully received by a grim-faced chief constable who thanked us for our life-saving efforts before screeching away at 90 mph in a chavved-up Sierra Cosworth.

Previously

• Northants police tackle new speeding menace
• Speed cameras not too visible, AA insists
• Cops caught on video actually doing job

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