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  Monday 27th December 2004  Science   Powered by Yeast Logic
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Africa smitten by new animal pestilence

Chilling plague sweeps Dark Continent
by College Green

Reports are emerging from many African countries of a new menace to their populations in the form of a mysterious horned animal that has caused devastation since its sudden appearance in large numbers in the past month.

From Botswana in the south to Sudan in the north there have been thousands and thousands of sightings of a four-legged animal that has run amok in the countryside bringing misery to millions.

"The damage caused by these animals is incredible," said one near-hysterical peasant at a small village in Cameroon speaking to The Rockall Times by bicycle-powered satellite phone. "They moved in one night and by the morning they had stripped our fields clean of crops." The grief in his voice was palpable.

Although none of the beasts have yet been captured and identified, eye-witnesses speak of something the size of a large dog or a small mule, with short horns on its head, tufts of hair under its chin and a ferocious temper. Some people insist they have seen some form of tag around the monsters' necks bearing the mysterious phrase "Oxfam" — although others deny this.

There is complete bafflement as to where all these animals have come from and who might have sent them. "One thing is for sure," explained a UN expert, "this sort of huge change to an environment by the way of swamping it with fauna from outside can only lead to disaster."

Last night news was received that charities in the UK were mobilising to counter the terrible plague. "We must do something," said a spokesman for Aid 4 U, "especially at Christmas-time. We'll be encouraging British people to give generously to help us to help Africa. Instead of buying presents we're advising people to sponsor us to send out armed game wardens to track these monstrous beasts down and wipe them from the face of the earth."

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