I’m at work. I’m bored. Make me laugh.

Trawl Rockall for:

Top satirical journo was Kimberley 'Fourth Man'

Revelations that the ex-Spectator publisher Kimberley Fortier-Quinn-Blunkett-Hoggart had been carrying yet another affair have rocked the media. The latest target of allegations is understood to have worked for The Rockall Times for several years and became entranced by the femme fatale when she offered to travel with him on the 2005 expedition to Rockall.

The man — who for legal reasons cannot be named and who police have codenamed Essex Boy — is understood to have left the UK recently for a new life abroad in a continental European country in a desperate attempt to forget the whole sorry, sordid affair.

For weeks now he has been unavailable for comment due to his re-location in a village so remote that broadband internet access has only recently become available after a mule-train reached the isolated hamlet in the pitiless mountains surrounding his retreat. However, in a public statement given in the village square in front of a goat and two boys he denied everything — while at the same time winking lasciviously.

Remaining staff at The Rockall Times' head office in St Kilda are understood to be "shell-shocked" at the news. "I can only say that we never thought it would come to this," said one journalist counting out his expenses. "If he could get off with Kimberley then so could anyone."

Previously

• Wrong kind of snow delays Rockall Times
• Piers Morgan joins Rockall Times
• Shock as Times editors quit

 Email an enemy  Pub-friendly printable version  ‘The Arts’ index page