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  Monday 10th January 2005  Politics   Powered by Yeast Logic
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IRA crime claims derail peace process

Provos' armed blag outrage
by Siobhan O'Semtex

Claims that the IRA has been involved in criminal activities have "deeply damaged" the Northern Ireland peace process, NI secretary Paul Murphy declared last week.

The statement comes amid claims that the Provos were behind the audacious blag which on 20 December last year relieved Belfast's Northern Bank of a cool £26m. Murphy stormed that the IRA involvement "offended the principles" of the Good Friday Agreement and had effectively derailed the entire peace process. Asked to define the word "crime" in the context of the Irish question, Murphy offered: "Robbery, peddling drugs, stealing mopeds, that kind of thing." Pressed as to his classification of kneecapping, executions and blowing people up with high explosives, Murphy laughed: "Ah, no — that's terrorism; something which cannot be defined as criminal per se, but rather as a fluid concept open to interpretation according to the requirments of the current political climate."

At this point Murphy sought to enlighten the bemused hacks who pressed forward as a throng to receive his words of wisdom: "If, for instance, you blow up a pub in Birmingham then that's a crime and you will be duly sent to prison. If, however, the government later enters into a political accord with your movement, then you will be released accordingly and your crime downgraded to a misdemeanour and quietly set aside. But if you then rob a bank, well, I mean, bloody hell, Jesus, I mean, what kind of people are we dealing with here for Christ's sake?"

A visibly-rattled Murphy refused to take any more questions on the IRA blag front, but did confirm that according to the peace process protocol, events such as Bloody Sunday also faced re-evalution and possible reclassification. "If the Paras shoot a few Paddies while we're fighting a bloody war against terrorism, who gives a shit?" he asked. "If, however, the government later enters into a political accord with its former enemy, then the Army's actions must be probed accordingly and the events upgraded to possible criminal activity and loudly hailed as such. Are you getting all of this?"

We attempted to contact the IRA's political wing, Sinn Fein, for its comments but an ansafone message consisting of an evidently delighted Gerry Adams struggling to speak against a backdrop of celidh music and popping champagne corks, told us: "We're out for the office for a few weeks. If you need to get in touch urgently, we're at the five-star Hotel Tropicana, Rio de Janeiro, until the fifth of February. Ring the main desk and ask for the Ronnie Biggs suite. Cheers."

Previously

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