Technology not the solution to Spurs' penalty outrage

Officials at the Premier League have made it clear that the result of Manchester United's home game against Tottenham Hotspur played last week would NOT have been different even if any of the high-tech equipment currently available had been used.

Amazed reporters were apprised of this salient fact when they gathered outside the organisation's headquarters in central London a couple of days after the controversial incident that saw United keeper Roy Carroll clearly "pull" the ball back when it was over the line. The incident deprived Spurs' Pedro Mendes of a certain goal and what would have been a famous victory for his side.

There has been feverish speculation in the media since the incident that the use of technology could have prevented this mishap by overruling the match officials and awarding Spurs their prize. But the Premier League was keen to ensure there was no misguided expectation of such a possibility.

"It is true that a ball with some form of micro-chip in it that shows whether or not it has crossed the line has been developed," admitted a spokesperson to the howling pack of hacks which had assembled to demand satisfaction in the matter. "And it is also true that the facility for instant video replays with a sophisticated communication system to the referee is now pretty good. However, what I think you are all forgetting is the circumstances and location in which this particular incident took place."

He explained: "In short, if you think we're going to allow technology of any description to award goals against Manchester United, at Old Trafford, with Fergie standing on the touchline, then all I can say is you must have lost your bloody marbles."

Previously

• England football disaster provokes fastest-ever joke
• Old Trafford crisis: Where has it all gone wrong?
• Fergie rages after 6-0 West Ham drubbing