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  Monday 17th January 2005  Society   Powered by Yeast Logic
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Man performs reckless bicycle manoeuvre

Shock and awe
by Flash Gorman

A cyclist from Manchester has attracted criticism from both sides of the cycling divide after a shocking display of two-wheeled mayhem. Dave Roberts, 42, was seen approaching a red light in the Mancunian rush hour and came to a halt in accordance with the Highway Code. Such a blatant disregard for the rules of cycling promptly caused chaos amongst other commuters.

Taxi driver Fred Cotton was one of those affected, as he explains.

"I was sat at the lights and some this cyclist coming up on the inside. Expecting him to obey the laws of cycling and shoot the lights, I turned round to my passenger and launched into a long monologue slagging off people on bikes. Imagine then my disappointment when he came to a controlled halt in front of the lights. I felt a right pillock, I can tell you."

Keen cyclist, Dave Barton, was also caught up in the madness.

"I was following this guy on my bike when for no apparent reason he came to a sudden halt in front of a red light. I had to slam on the brakes and skidded off. I can't believe that a fellow cyclist would behave in such a reckless manner, it makes things twice as difficult for people like me who want to use their bikes as a cheap and healthily way to get about town. I've written off about a grand’s worth of carbon gear on my bike and aggravated the steel pins in my leg from the last time I was knocked off".

Fortunately Mr Robert’s audacious behaviour was captured CCTV enabling him to be promptly hunted down and arrested. In court the judge showed little sympathy for his plea that the whole thing was "just a momentary attack of madness" and sentenced Mr Roberts to attend an urban cycling programme. It is hoped that the programme will rehabilitate Mr Roberts with its intensive drilling in skills such as cycling at speed along pavements, wearing shorts that defy all laws of common decency and a general understanding that the highway code only applies to things with engines.

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