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This is a pub-friendly version of this article — print it out and take it with you down the boozer. |
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The original is at http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/2005/01/17/mediawatch-ban.html.
Government to ban Mediawatch
Unpixelated filth provokes proscription
by Chatterton
The Government has announced plans to ban Mediawatch after the BBC aired graphic scenes of its members engaged in a highly inappropriate group activity outside Television Centre on Saturday night. Only days after a Tsunami killed over 160,000,000 innocent people and wrecked billions of other lives, members of Mediawatch were pictured shamelessly professing their faith in an omnipotent god who “loves mankind”.
As soon as the footage aired, the BBC was inundated with thousands of complaints. One caller’s views were typical: “I had just sat down in front of the TV with all of my family and suddenly the screen was filled with this massive prick. I think he said his name was John Beyer. There was no warning and he wasn’t even pixelated. My grandmother could have been watching, but thankfully she died several years ago.”
Mr Beyer, the director of Mediawatch, defended the event thus: “We live in a free society. If these people don’t want to watch one of our demonstrations why don’t they just do the logical thing and switch to another channel. Haven’t they got anything better to do with their time than sit around complaining? Jesus fuc*king Christ!”
However, as the number of complaints climbed to over a million, a spokesman for the communications regulator Ofcom announced that it would be taking action after seeing a copy of Mediawatch’s membership list: “This document is utterly obscene. I’ve never seen anything like it: just pages and pages of cun*ts and as for the committee, it’s just a collection of mother-fuc*kers. I can’t see any justification for there being that number of cun*ts in one place so we have no option but to recommend that the organisation be closed down.”
Last night, as the BBC logged its ten billionth complaint (from a tribesman in the Amazonian jungle) Mediawatch remained defiant. An upbeat Mr Beyer told The Rockall Times: “We shall fight on. You cannot silence us. If I get my way we’re going to be on TV quite a lot in the next few weeks and in October we plan to open on Broadway. See you there!”
Previously
From The Rockall Times Monday 17th January 2005
http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/.