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  Monday 24th January 2005  Politics   Powered by Yeast Logic
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Tories embrace black candidates

Not literally, obviously
by College Green

As polls show the Conservative Party slipping to fourth place amongst likely voters — and likely soon to be overtaken by David Icke's Anti-Lizard-People Alliance — the party is initiating a radical new policy to select black candidates in an attempt to broaden the party's appeal.

The very first all-black shortlist — for the marginal constituency of Pig Sticking in Gloucestershire — has just been announced to general approval. The four trailblazers who have made it through and have agreed to support "Conservative policies with a black face" are:

  • Roger Black: The clean-cut one-time athlete is seen as the perfect choice to spearhead the Conservatives drive for electoral success amongst a new generation of super-fit voters.
  • Guy Black: The clean-cut PR wizard is seen as the perfect choice to spearhead the Conservatives drive for electoral success amongst a new generation super-gay voters.
  • Conrad Black: The clean-cut ex-tycoon is seen as the perfect choice to spearhead the Conservatives drive for electoral success amongst a new generation of super-bent voters.
  • Pauline Black: The ex-Selector singer has actually been disqualified for being too black.

The Tories have, however, rejected calls for similar Asian shortlists: "To be quite frank we couldn't find anyone called Roger Asian," admitted one red-faced, non-black party spokesperson.

Previously

 Go on then, hard man