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This is a pub-friendly version of this article — print it out and take it with you down the boozer. |
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The original is at http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/2005/01/24/black-tory-candidates.html.
Tories embrace black candidates
Not literally, obviously
by College Green
As polls show the Conservative Party slipping to fourth place amongst likely voters — and likely soon to be overtaken by David Icke's Anti-Lizard-People Alliance — the party is initiating a radical new policy to select black candidates in an attempt to broaden the party's appeal.
The very first all-black shortlist — for the marginal constituency of Pig Sticking in Gloucestershire — has just been announced to general approval. The four trailblazers who have made it through and have agreed to support "Conservative policies with a black face" are:
- Roger Black: The clean-cut one-time athlete is seen as the perfect choice to spearhead the Conservatives drive for electoral success amongst a new generation of super-fit voters.
- Guy Black: The clean-cut PR wizard is seen as the perfect choice to spearhead the Conservatives drive for electoral success amongst a new generation super-gay voters.
- Conrad Black: The clean-cut ex-tycoon is seen as the perfect choice to spearhead the Conservatives drive for electoral success amongst a new generation of super-bent voters.
- Pauline Black: The ex-Selector singer has actually been disqualified for being too black.
The Tories have, however, rejected calls for similar Asian shortlists: "To be quite frank we couldn't find anyone called Roger Asian," admitted one red-faced, non-black party spokesperson.
Previously
From The Rockall Times Monday 24th January 2005
http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/.