The House of Windsor: Fancy dress or Final Solution?

Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, come on down

by James Frotbox

The fallout from Prince Harry's side-splitting and timely Nazi costume gaff continues to polarise the nation this week, the country equally divided between those who want to pat him on the head and say "there, there, my Prince", and those who wish to see him publicly humiliated, his bowels turned to liquid and vinegar thrown in his eyes.

However, news has emerged this week which casts doubt on his expressions of contrition and his family's fury at the treatment meted out by a highbrow British press. The Rockall Times has exclusively learnt of damning evidence that paints the true picture of Prince Harry: Nazi sympathiser, figurehead of global anti-Semitism and true believer in the Aryan master race.

The roots of this unspeakable evil appear to be deeply embedded within the British royal family going back several generations. It all started with George I, the first German to accede to the thrown. German was his first language and Hanover his ancestral homeland. He never cared much for the British people (something he has in common with all subsequent monarchs), but was eager to bask in the reflected glory of the greatest empire the universe has ever known. This trend continued with his successors George II and III, George III particularly suffering from madness brought on not by millennia of inbreeding, but by repeated suicidal overdoses of extra spicy bratwurst. Not only did he appear mad, but he could shit through the eye of a needle.

Centuries later, in a move which cunningly hoodwinked the nation, the royal family changed its name from the German sounding Saxe-Coburg-Gotha to the thoroughly English "Windsor". This was in response to the damaging public perception during WW1 that British royals were essentially German. This in fact was true, and Kaiser Wilhelm was a cousin of the King. The bitter conflict was a close run thing, the Hun having turned up early at the trenches with their beach towels in place long before the plucky Brits had stirred for elevenses.

So, Harry has a long heritage of Germanic tendency. Couple this with close relative, SS luminary Princess Michael of the Third Reich, and there is a clear link to the current Nazi agenda he is pursuing. More damning than this however, is his close association with the ever-popular cheeky mirth-merchant Freddie Starr.

Long famed for doing "that funny singing where his voice speeds up and down in time with his walk" thing, a joke that has endured, unabated in its genius hilarity for 400 years, Starr has also been known to don full Nazi regalia and goose-step up and down the stage to universal chortling acclaim, and on many occasions Harry has been surreptitiously watching from the darkened wings, his eyes gleaming with the zeal of ideological fervour. The pair have often been spotted in Starr's dressing room after one of his regular Butlins performances, chillingly swapping notes on despotism and the resurrection of Hitler's "Final Solution".

A further furore could be waiting just around the corner, as faceless Clarence House spokespeople refused to deny allegations that Prince Harry's next move would prove equally controversial. He plans to join forces with Nick "Wot you lookin' at?" Griffin, tolerant face of British racists the BNP, campaigning with him in the run-in towards the probable general election in May. Once a marginal organisation, given the right royal backing the BNP could make a damaging indentation in the Tory Party vote, former Conservative voters being too ashamed to switch support to the Liberal Democrats.

Leo Sayer was unavailable for comment this morning, as was Edward VIII.

Previously

Email an enemy

Pub-friendly printable version

‘Society’ index page

Trawl Rockall for:

The House of Windsor: Fancy dress or Final Solution?

Previously