Revealed: The cynical trade in the chronically obese

Fat people are being lured to their deaths on the Japanese holiday island of Okinawa, we can exclusively reveal. Hundreds are already thought to have perished, with their remains being sold on to sushi bars in Tokyo. Currently, nothing is being done to stop this cruel trade.

The "Choccoland Resort" on Okinawa was opened in June last year and immediately became a hit with fatties worldwide. The resort entices fat people by promising they can eat their own weight in chocolate every day. It also offers to push fatties around the resort in wheelchairs so they never need to walk. They are even enticing fat kids to the resort with the lovable character "Zitto the Clown", he offers children the chance to squeeze his pustules to release a warm soft white chocolate treat. All chocolate served at the resort is guaranteed to contain no vitamins and have a minimum fat content of 95 per cent. This seems like heaven to the average gargantuan guy or lardy lass, however ultimately it is all just a cynical ploy to ply extra pounds of blubber onto the fatties before they are killed and their nutritious cellulite extracted.

Unwitting customers at sushi bars in Tokyo then greedily gobble down down the lumps of fat people in the mistaken belief that they are eating whale meat. One Japanese sushi bar owner, Mr. Y. Fukada, defended his decision to serve fat people on the menu, insisting: "With the growing shortage of whale meat, it was only a matter of time before people began harvesting the huge supply of blubber around the midriffs of the world's fatties".

There are currently no laws that specifically protect fat people and no-one is rushing to their aid. In fact, some environmental lobbyists have called for the trade in fat people to be increased. A scientific study published last month in Fat Genocide Monthly, showed that the extra fuel needed to transport fat people on planes and cars was generating more greenhouse gases than the whole of China. It was also claimed that if all the fat people in Essex alone were put into a large mincer then it would provide enough food to solve Third World hunger. There are currently no plans for an international moratorium on the consumption of fat people and Zitto the Clown's pockets continue to grow fatter off the back (and bellys) of wobble bottoms.

Previously

• God drops fatties on Darwin
• Britain declares war on obesity
• Obesity now no.1 UK killer