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The original is at http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/2005/01/31/title-race.html.
Title race not over, insists incandescent Fergie
'It's clear to me that we can still overtake Arsenal'
by Juan Sebastian Gaucho
Faced with what seems clear evidence to most observers that Manchester United have no chance of winning the Premiership this year, embattled manager Sir Alex Angry has hit out by saying that he still has not even yet given up hope "of winning last year's title".
"It's clear to me that we can still overtake Arsenal," exploded the volcanic Scotsman to a cabal of journalists — excluding the man from the BBC who was cowering outside in the car park after his team were dumped out of the Carling Cup by Chelsea.
Warming to his theme, the sensitive Glaswegian philosopher explained his unreasoning: "We can still triumph if the FA can be persuaded to dock Arsenal by the number of points we finished behind them plus one." He went onto add that Arsene Wenger is a "disgrace" and his "bringing the game into disrepute with his outbursts" should weigh in favour of the FA "doing the right thing".
Ferguson is understood to have put in a series of requests to the authorities over the past few weeks including the deportation of Jose Mourinho back to Imperial Rome and the resuscitation of paedophile rumours against Arsene Wenger.
The Manchester United press office confirmed yesterday that Ferguson is also complaining about all the other Premiership titles won by United's north London rivals, as well as the title won by Blackburn — "unfairly" — back in 1994 and even the one "sneaked" by Leeds United in 1992. It is expected that all of these could be rescinded.
The FA has promised to "consider the matter thoroughly" before "doing whatever it takes to get that horrible man to stop shouting at us".
Previously
From The Rockall Times Monday 31st January 2005
http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/.