Judy Finnegan shock TV confession rocks world of entertainment

Galactic TV personality Judy Finnegan has finally revealed the shocking truth behind her visible ageing. Representing roughly sixty-three per cent of the renowned Richard and Judy team, Ms Finnegan has illuminated our screens for well over a decade. Remarkably, during that period her appearance has gradually but consistently altered — to the point where she now looks different to the fresh-faced slip of a lass who first wowed viewers sometime back in the last century, or the one before that.

This has naturally caused suspicion amongst her fellow female celebrities, all of whose faces have remained nailed firmly in place throughout their careers Highly-talented songstress and fully-qualified Bubbly Person, Lulu, voiced the feelings of many when she said: "I think it's obvious that she's had nothing done, despite what she says. Women on TV don't change; it's a fact of life. All contracts these days stipulate compulsory nip, tuck, botox, chemical peels, skin ratcheting and vaginal tightening procedures. Here, have a feel — my box is still as elastic as a Labour Party manifesto promise."

Responding to the rumours, Judy issued a statement pointing out that she was in fact suffering from an extremely rare condition called "Getting Older". Said to affect just one female TV personality in a million, "Getting Older" causes the afflicted person's skin to change over time — becoming wrinkled and lined. In extreme cases "Getting Older" can lead to mobility problems but most affected people would either be shot long before this happens or, worse still, have their contracts cancelled thereby leading to a tragic television twilight in shopping channels and Health and Safety instructional videos.

Whilst the industry appears outwardly sympathetic to Judy's plight, insiders have hinted it may all be over for her. "The problem is that it makes it difficult for the programme makers to splice together clips of her from different years. It's a continuity nightmare," explained one producer. "Mind you, no-one's complaining about her tits. The jubs have just got better and better, oh Lordy," he added before running off to the toilet with a well-worn VHS of Judy's British National Television Awards ceremony mam-flash shocker.

TV professionals confirm that editors face similar continuity problems with Anne Robinson, since the belligerent carrot-top has been getting younger by an average of one year per month for the past two years. One visibly-harrassed VT jockey — struggling to intercut highlights of two consecutive editions of The Weakest Link between which Robsison's face appears to have overdosed on Pro-Retinox A rejuventating unguent — told The Rockall Times: "She's become almost attractive. How the hell are we going to reconcile that with images of the booze-sodden hack who used to scare children with her picture byline in the Daily Mirror? The viewers are not bloody stupid."

Previously

• Channel 4 in rotting corpse rumpus
• Anne Robinson to provoke nuclear apocalypse?
• BBC crisis: World likely to stop turning on axis