Paris Hilton hysterical at web snaps leak

Talented globetrotting socialite Paris Hilton is today sitting in a darkened room drinking wheat grass extract through a straw after compromising photographs from her T-Mobile Sidekick account washed across the web like an inexorable wave of rich girl's love juices.

Despite attempts by a crack FBI team from the Bureau's "Rich and Famous Rapid Response Team" to stem the tide, Ms Hilton's private snaps have been made widely available to a gobsmacked audience worldwide. Some of the images are highly compromising, and Paris is said to be "beside herself" at the possible effect of the leak on her popular image.

She is right to be concerned, The Rockall Times can confirm. Among the expected assortment of a topless Hilton enjoying a lesbian clinch with a sweaty Latin American model and schmoozing with the rich and famous at at various top-class nightspots, she can also be seen in two pictures standing fully clothed next to someone who is neither rich, nor famous, nor naked.

"It's a PR disaster," admitted one commentator. "We have no idea who the other person is, but it's certain that he does not stand to inherit a chain of hotels, has not acted in a Hollywood blockbuster, has not been engaged to Jennifer Lopez and is not a top-class male model. It appears that he may just be an ordinary person."

Hilton's press agent told us: "We believe the photographs have been faked in an attempt to discredit Paris. She does not do 'little people' and is rarely fully clothed. She's worked bloody hard to create her international image. Our lawyers are working with the authorities to find the people responsible for this outrage."

In response to the threat to her hard-won reputation as a high-flying heiress of the first rank, a tearful Hilton last night authorised the activation of retaliatory website www.hiimreallyreallyrich.com, offering subscribers video and stills downloads of her spending lots of money with her rich friends while chatting on the phone to Christina Aguilera then later taking it from behind in a hotel room like a two-bit hussy before sucking her squeeze's hideously engorged member until he splatters the moaning Hilton with his rich, famous and creamy man juice.

Previously

• I want sex with hundreds of celebrities: Jordan
• Celebrity faces Amanda Holden sex probe
• ‘I wish I’d kept legs shut’ sobs six-in-a-bed TV slapper