Sunderland FC goes back in Tyne

Stuff the Geordies — we know who we are

by Sledge

Sunderland; Macumland. Yes it's finally happening, Sunderland FC at last want to let the whole world know where their history began, and that they are proud to be from South of the Mighty River.

MUFF It's taken a while, but the powers that be are finally going to bow to the fans' requests and rename Sunderland Football Club to Macum United Footy Federation (MUFF).

Gathered at a press conference outside of the Stadium of Light, Mick McCarthy enlightened the whole of the 73-strong registered fan base and 200 hacks with the news everyone has been waiting for. He finally put on record though a wonderfully articulated speech, showing why he fits comfortably in with the Northern folks.

"Fuc*king legend, we've done it at last. I've been looking always wanted to work for a company where the name fits. Imagine next year, it will be fuc*kin' great to watch the Fleet Street rags make references to Muff when we go down and get kicked out of the Premiership — again! I don't know about you lot but I'm really looking forward to it, I just hope we can slide it up there this year, and also that they don't bin me in the mean time." The speech was well received by onlookers who protested for almost a minute after the shouty Paddy was lead away by the police for using "unacceptable" language in a public place.

And while Screaming Mick cooled off in the cells, MUFF's fan gaffer took time to explain the reasoning behind the name change. "We were originally after a name where we could use 'Geordie' as the acronym," explained the ex-Jock from Glasgow, "but those black-and-white tossers from over the river already own the copyright on that one. Then we couldn't think of a another good word starting with G, so we took the next best thing. Of course, those of us south of the mighty River Tyne are Macums. I know that a lot of people have problem with the word, but ain't MUFF great!" rambled on the Sweaty. "Also, a mate of mine is going to open a watersports operation, and guess what, he's going to call it MUFF Scuba! That will be a name that the guys down the pub will remember."

Police later confirmed to The Rockall Times that the offensive language used by McCarthy was in fact the word "Premiership". Its use in Sunderland has been proscribed for several years as it seriously upset the locals who were — and still are — repeatedly taunted by high-flying Premiership neighbours Newcastle United.

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