German massacre man 'obsessed' with US school shootings

Law enforcement officials in Berlin have confirmed that the man believed responsible for multiple slayings in the German capital and elsewhere across Europe several years ago had an "unhealthy obsession" with weaponry similar to that used by the teenager at a US school in the sleepy town of Super Size who recently killed several classmates in the senseless orgy of violence which had every right-minded American asking: "When, oh when, will our suffering end?"

"When we broke into his basement hideaway — what he called his 'bunker' — we were absolutely staggered by what we found," admitted one visibly-staggered officer who worked on the case. "The guy obviously was heavily into this weird stuff. There was US high school memorabilia everywhere and maps and layouts of educational facilities all over the place. Plus the usual Marilyn Manson CDs, naturally."

Friends of the man, named by the authorities yesterday as Mr A Hitler, have told the police that he seemed like a nice chap who was locally renowned for his goodwill and love of animals. Locals added that his mother would certainly have spoken highly of him, were she not dead.

However, there is also evidence that aspects of Mr Hitler's lifestyle were less than regular. Despite having a great many acquaintances he was unmarried and has been described as a "loner" who was unable to commit to his long-time girlfriend and marry her, preferring instead the company of his dog Blondi.

Many experts have seen this sort of aimlessness before. "What men like this need is a purpose," explained one psychologist. "Instead of moping around all day getter increasingly angry with society they should find an interest — maybe foreign affairs or politics."

Previously

• Americans cower under sniper gun rampage orgy of terror
• Police 'confident' of catching Birmingham gun massacre culprits
• Adolf Hitler very bad: Official