Kitchen sink armageddonists in Satanic uproar

Maniacal godbotherers savage women, children and Hindus

by Bob Wallet

Stephen Green is not your archetypal tub thumping fire and brimstone breathing evangelist, but start him on the subject of Jerry Springer and his blood sugar levels begin to spiral out of control. The Rockall Times interviewed Green, National Director of Christian Voice, in a secret location next to the sandwich bar inside Voles Cafe in Surbiton. I was half expecting a Doctor Reverend Paisley character, megaphone mouth and absolute intolerance of non-believers. Instead, the man I met, was a quiet carefully spoken individual with an absolute intolerance of non-believers.

I began by asking Green about the furore over the Scottish cancer charity Maggie's Centres. "They are an evil charity," replied Green matter of factly. "We simply pointed out to them the outrage that accepting the tainted money of the Jerry Springer Opera would bring." But outrage followed anyway, I countered. "True, but that's society for you. Society, the media in particular, sided with the Devil's minions and painted us to be the villains of the peace. But consider carefully what I said at the time: many Christians receiving treatment from Maggie's Centres or Christians donating to Maggie's Centres would have been rightfully mortified to know that the charity was receiving diabolical money from blasphemous activities. We had a duty to point out their error."

Under threat of intimidation, picketing and the possibility of being set upon by 40,000 Christian fundamentalists in hob-nailed boots (specially ordered from Millets only five days previous to the threat) Maggie's Centres declined the offer of three thousand pounds from the production company of Jerry Springer: The Opera. That wasn't censorship, I suggested. Stephen Green agreed: "No it wasn't censorship, and it's good to know that someone finally recognises that." I noted a reluctance on Green's behalf to see his group lumped together with the Sikh groups who had successfully campaigned to have the play Behzti cancelled at the Birmingham Rep Theatre in 2004.

Are there cases where religious groups can work together, I asked. "No," Green said emphatically. One look at the Christian Voice website confirms this. Green, in one of his many pdf essays, opposes new legislation regarding the incitement of religious hatred and an extension of the blasphemy laws to cover other faiths. "Other faiths are not the one true faith of Our Lord Jesus Christ. I cannot, and I've said this many times, teach the lessons of our Holy Bible without offending other religions: namely stating that Christianity is the truth whilst other faiths are false. New legislation would make me a criminal for preaching my own faith."

I suggested to him that new legislation would also prevent him from calling Hindus Satanists. "Well, they are," he spat, leaving a shower of scone crumbs all over the melamine table top. Demonic, I reminded him. "Exactly. The festival of Diwali is a Satanic construct, you can read that on my website ["Diwali — A Parent's Guide"]. There's no need for me to repeat things here." Sensing his discomfort I suggested to him that he wouldn't dare say anything similar about Islam. Green turned a shade lighter than white. Several minutes later he finally spoke. "I have a lot of respect for Islam. I'll say no more than that."

Prior to this meeting I had sounded out opinion on the actions of Christian Voice and their successful intimidation of a cancer charity. The Right Reverend Humphrey Tarbulton, Pastor of Truro described Christian Voice as being a "minority group whose activities did not reflect the feeling of the wider Christian Diaspora in the UK". Neill Mackinchie, SMP for Edinburgh Pollmolly said: "Christian Voice succeeded this time, but people were becoming familiar to their tactics and would become increasingly intolerant of threats." Whilst Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, notorious hostage taker and chief head-chopper-offer in Iraq, speaking by video phone from Mosul, said: "Threatening cancer charities is sick, man."

So who is next on the list for Stephen Green and his godbothering henchmen? "Women," he replied. "They are, as we know, the source of all evil on earth and unclean. The Holy Bible is quite clear on this issue." And is it true, I asked, that Christian Voice had ordered two dozen ten-foot bargepoles so that women could be admitted to the group? "It's three dozen actually. There are a lot of women who want to join us. And when they do they have pledged that they will become honorary men." So next on the list will be the Women's Guild, local soroptomist groups, women's charities? "And successful female celebrities such as Carol Vorderman and Joan Bakewell. Society must learn to understand that the rewarding of women is a sin unto God and Our Lord Jesus Christ."

Children are also in line. "We would scrap Children in Need, Childline, the NSPCC, CBeebies, and picket Mothercare, Toys R Us and ban the sale of items such as 'Subbuteo'. Children are born with original sin and should not be tolerated. We don't call them 'little devils' for nothing, do we?"

Throughout the interview Green hadn't once raised his voice above anything louder than a robotic murmur. I asked him if it's all worth it? Why devote life to the antagonising of women's groups, Hindus and charities. He leans towards me. "It is God's will. I am doing God's will. If you don't understand that now, well I can't help you."

Christian Voice and the essays of Stephen Green are available online at www.repentuk.com. If you want to contact Stephen Green for a personal chat about his beliefs his email is info@christianvoice.org.uk. If you'd like to donate to Maggie's Centres to make up the thousands lost by Green's godbothering violence, the website is located at www.maggiescentres.org where details for donations can be found. And if you are a Hindu and concerned by Green's belief that you're a demonic Satanic child abuser the Internet Watch Foundation might just want to hear from you: www.iwf.org.uk.

Alternatively, complain directly to God. He can be found on most Sundays hanging around in church.

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