Rockall identified as Atlantis

New analysis of ancient Greek scripts by Professor Scrag Popodopolopolis has revealed more clues to the location of the fabled lost continent of Atlantis. Prof. Scrag found the new clues in ancient Greek manuscripts found by the intrepid explorer and modern-day Viking Eric Von Denikan. Eric found the manuscripts hiding in an abandoned gold-mine in Peru next to a plaque showing that they had been deposited there by aliens. (See image, below, of our artist's impression of how we believe the plaque may look).

"I have no doubt, peeps, that the scrolls is genuine," squeaked the Prof. "Eric would never sell me a pup, although I bought a really cute kitten with two heads from him last year. It was literally run over by a marathon contestant in the summer though."

Our own Rockall Times experts have examined the scripts and agree with Prof. Scrag that there are new and clearer directions to Atlantis than the one previous clue from Homer of "Beyond the Pillars of Hercules". The new clues come from the story of a Greek trading mission to Cornwall to buy Tin and Copper. The mission was blown off course by a nasty gale from the south-east and after "two days where the heaving of our stomachs matched the heaving of the waves", the trading vessel fetched up (along with the crew) on the beaches of Atlantis or, as the indigenous population called it, "Rorqual" after a type of whale.

Thermos Flaskissimos, the captain of this lucky vessel and the purported scribe, described Rorqual as: "A mountainous land made fertile by large quantities of a strange white substance used also by the locals to cultivate huge heads of hair." He then describes his flight from the Island, which had become the subject of war between Zeus and Baleen, the local Goddess. Thermos wrote: "After they prayed to Zeus for good passage back to Cornwall he came to see this hitherto unknown continent and started chatting up Baleen. A fight erupted after Baleen told him to 'go take an olive-oil enema and insert Olympus up his slippery'..." — at this point the document is torn. It goes on to describe Zeus' anger and how he conspired with Triton to wash most of the continent into the sea — at the same time casting the ship back to Cornwall.

UFO magazine reports a huge response to an advert placed on behalf of E-V-Deni tours to bring fascinated members of the public to Rockall (or Rorqual as they quaintly refer to our blessed isle) with activity outings such as "dowsing the ancient Ley energy image of the original continent by boat" and "midnight communions with the Goddess Baleen". Internet bandwidth to the sacred islet is being increased tenfold to help with the Baleen communions and "other" demands of the new type of tourist. Rockall's A&E department at Saint Wojtyla's Hospital is stocking up on wrist supports and local opticians are said to be optimistic of an increase in trade.

Previously

• Is Rockall the real Tracey Island?
• Does Bill Gates own Rockall?
• Rockall Diary: The loneliness of the long-distance islet