Morecambe cockling stocks hit dangerous low

Cockle picking has been suspended in Morecambe Bay where 23 Chinese immigant workers drowned last year. The cockle beds will be temporarily closed in a bid to prevent further depletion of the illegal worker population. The ban will stay in effect for six months, in order to allow recovery of breeding-age stocks.

The North Western and North Wales Sea Fisheries Committee made the decision after it reported low numbers of both adult and juvenile immigrants. Top commitee egghead Bill Cook explained: "Since last year's tragic stock collapse we have been monitoring levels with increasing concern." Indeed, Chinese immigrant numbers are believed to have dropped by a species-threatening 37 per cent and some larger families of workers now report that they have a bedsit all to themselves.

The helpful Communist population, often described as "eager to please", has also been under pressure from official immigration crackdowns. A source slightly above the Fisheries Commitee admitted that this had been a factor in the crisis: "Immigrants need to be more ingenious than ever before to come to the North West. This inevitably leads to higher loss and spoilage rates due to inadequate shipping, which in turn makes our conservation work all the more vital."

The workers necessary for collecting shellfish lying on the treacherous sands of Morecambe Bay are estimated to be worth around £6m, since that's what the cockles are worth.

Previously

• 10 things all immigrants should know about the UK
• Immigrants: What every parent should know
• Brazilian slavery: The shocking truth