Newsweek tightens editorial procedure as US flags burn

Top US publication Newsweek has reviewed its editorial policy after the claim that laughing US interrogators at Guantanamo Bay had flushed a copy of the Koran down the toilet provoked a textbook outbreak of raghead rioting during which at least 15 died and an estimated 148 US flags were torched.

The radical measures introduced by Newsweek editor-in-chief Richard Smith include:

• Checking facts
• Not printing stuff which is made up by journalists
• Generally attempting to stick to the truth if at all possible

However, while US newspaper editors have welcomed the audacious new guidelines as "a huge step forward in American publishing", Islamic leaders were quick to dismiss Newsweek's retraction of the Guantanamo Bay story as "pure fantasy".

We asked one senior Muslim cleric to clarify his position, and he told us: "The Guantanamo Bay story is true but the retraction is false. Therefore we must continue to demonstrate against this outrageous blasphemy." He concluded: "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to vent my anger on the streets of Kabul," before making his exit bearing an enormous box of US flags and a small can of petrol.

Shares in US Flags Inc. — a Florida-based manufacturer of US flags which employs around 50 manual workers of Hispanic origin — rose 32 per cent at the news that top Islamicists has rejected the Newsweek retraction. VP in Charge of Export (Middle East), Deron Stonewall III, told The Rockall Times: "We're doing a brisk trade with Afghanistan, Pakistan and Syria at the moment. The US flag has never been so popular."

Previously

• Revealed: The true harrowing tale of Jessica Lynch
• Fierce fighting continues over pronunciation of Umm Qarzi
• US forces move on Baghdad despite fierce resistance