Mounting fury at Glazer's United buy-out (Pub-friendly) [The Rockall Times]

There are increasing signs that the recent takeover of former über-club Manchester United could still be reversed after a groundswell of opinion against the move from supporters of the Red Devil himself: ethical investor Malcolm Glazer.

Malcolm Glazer: Ethical investor Canvassing of family members in the United States — who have backed Glazer in his business dealings over many years — has revealed a deep level of disquiet with their relative's proposed involvement with an organisation which exemplifies global merchandising rip-offs.

"Many of these so-called Man United fans had never heard of my uncle and his tremendous history in business until a few months ago," explained Sandy Glazer-Bunn of Doggone, IL. "Uncle Malcolm has always been motivated to provide a product that ordinary people want. Who the hell wants this MUTV?"

Feelings were running equally high at the Chester Dweeb Retirement Home. "Do they really care about giving value for money and consumers what they want?" asked Merman Glazer Junior formerly of Lardarse, MS. "I've looked at this Manchester Soccer Team and from what I can see they know diddly-squat about sourcing the best quality SUV cup-holders or marketing high-interest loans for trailer homes."

This sentiment was echoed by the west coast branch of the Glazer clan. "As long as Malcolm's been in business he's been about providing a good quality product at prices that ordinary folk want. Who the hell wants a hundred dollar shirt made out of Cambodian polyester or a stuffed cuddly toy with the name 'Keano' on it — whoever the hell he is?" bellowed an angry relative who refused to give his name after exiting the Glazer Family Foundation HQ in Zinfandel, CA.

Opposition is all set to be stepped up with marches outside the Glazer mansion in Florida and some relatives vowing to "burn duplicate share certificates". Asked if anything would assuage their principled objections, protestors assured The Rockall Times: "Nothing, no way, absolutely nothing, nothing at all except higher profits."

Mounting fury at Glazer's United buy-out

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