USA unfurls audacious African debt plan

As Britain takes over leadership of the G8 group of the world's most stinkingly rich nations, Tony Blair and Gordon Brown have stepped up the pressure to cancel the debts of poverty-stricken African states. George Bush has so far opposed plans but has failed to offer an alternative. In a Pulitzer-worthy journalistic scoop this reporter is able to leak details of the US Treasury Department counter-proposals.

The US will appeal directly to African leaders in a sophisticated television advertising campaign. Telesales, SPAM, and junk mail will be used to re-enforce the message. A budget of $500m has been allocated to the campaign which is due to start as the leaders of the G8 nations meet in Scotland. The Rockall Times has obtained an early draft of a leaflet which will next week be dropped from Hercules transport aircraft across Africa's most needy nations:

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DEBT! DEBT! DEBT!

Crippled by maasive interest repayments to the:

• IMF?
• EU?
• World Bank?
• UK?
• Russia?
• Japan?

Don't despair. If like so many others you have borrowed to give your people some of life’s little luxuries — British Jets, Russian Tanks, American missiles, German limousines, Chinese hydroelectric dam projects, private militia, Italian suits or Swiss bank accounts — then you will probably be feeling the pinch as US and EU over-production lower the world price for your agricultural products.

Don’t despair! Here at Over the Ocean Finance™ we want to help. Many African leaders have already enjoyed the benefits of our debt consolidation plan*. Why don’t you give us a call and see what we can do for you?

Mr M of Zimbabwe says: "I had robbed my people blind for years, my economy had spiralled into terminal decline and I had no idea where the bullets for my next act of brutal oppression were coming from. Then I ‘phoned Over the Ocean Finance™ and their people advanced me $100m no questions asked. It enabled me to clear all my outstanding debts and I still had enough left over for some second-hand MiG fighters and electric cattle prods."

INSTANT LOANS* OF UP TO $1000 MILLION AVAILABLE NOW#! INTEREST RATES FIXED UNTIL WE CHANGE THEM!

*Your country may be in danger of bankruptcy or invasion in the event of non re-payment.
# Conditions apply; one McDonald’s restaurant to be established per $50 million lent.
Over the Ocean Finance™ is a wholly-owned subsidiary of the US Treasury Department.

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Previously

• Africa smitten by new animal pestilence
• Umbongo, Umbongo, they shoot it in the Congo
• Starving Africans add to airline woes