Police to probe underground interview fiasco

The Metropolitan Police have expressed bafflement that the "swarthy looking" man they wanted to "arrest" and then "question intensively" at a south London tube station was unable to be apprehended alive and instead was found to be dead after they had painstakingly surrounded him with 150 armed officers and unleashed a hail of gunfire into him.

"Something clearly went wrong," said a perplexed Commissioner Ian Blair when responding to questions from journalists demanding news at New Scotland Yard, "but so far we can't quite figure out what it was that resulted in a complete failure of the standard interview procedure". The top Met forensic people are now investigating initial suspicions that the various holes in the torso and skull of what's left of the suspect may have contributed to his current silence.

The suspect had been followed from his home to the station as part of a brilliant surveillance operation that somehow went inexplicably wrong. "The plan was to bring him in and question him. My well-trained officers simply pinned him to the ground when he fell over and then pumped half-a-dozen bullets into his body from point-blank range before planning to begin the Q&A session," explained Blair who then told the public not to panic.

The Commissioner added: "When the man was at home we had no opportunity to arrest him because he could have been carrying explosives. However, once he reached the tube and boarded a train without having apparently purchased a valid ticket we could then — under our strict rules of engagement — take somewhat more positive action."

A spokesperson later stated that analysis had showed that the supposed bomber might simply have been too clever for the police to be taken alive. "There was no indication that he was willing to be shot dead. We figured he'd escape — like they usually do."

A full investigation has been promised with a sweeping remit to identify the precise reasons why the officers involved with the incident are entirely blameless in the matter even though Brazilian electricians are not generally considered to represent a threat to British society.

Previously

• Defiant Brits battle on
• More suicide bombers may go bang, UK warned
• Clarke hails London intelligence coup