Widespread joy at MG Rover deal

Union officals last week hailed the sale of the remains scraps of MG Rover to Nanjing Automobile as a "great day" for the UK's car manufacturing industry. Nanjing Automobile currently employs around one million people who knock out billions of top-notch cars a year for the burgeoning Chinese market for an average wage of three-and-sixpence a month and as much rice as they can eat.

Accordingly, rumours that the company would recommence production at Longbridge with a staff of around 2,000 on full British wages have been greeted with joy among most of MG Rover's former workers. One man, standing proudly outside the plant's gates, told The Rockall Times: "I look forward to getting back to work and scraping together enough money to buy the kids those unpainted blocks of wood they want for Xmas. We've been eating Pot Noodles for two months, and..."

However, he was at this point interrupted by a large group of Chinese businessmen carrying huge piles of executive office furniture to waiting Nanjing Automobile saloon cars. One short oriental man, struggling to cram a leather executive recliner into the boot, said: "Yes, yes, happy day, must hurry catch plane Beijing. Excuse please."

At that moment, several trucks pulled up at the gates and began to load computer equipment and filing cabinets, while packs of Chinese lawyers scoured the now-deserted buildings for any last remnant of Rover copyright or intellectual property material.

"Blimey," our bemused former worker exclaimed. "These foreign working practices will take some getting used to. Still, they seem a friendly enough lot."

Friendly they may be, but some ex-employees warn that Nanjing Automobile may not have it all their own way. "Some of the lads may think long and hard before accepting their own jobs back," warned a grim-faced union convener. "The conditions will have to be right."

We put this to a Nanjing Automobile representative, who told The Rockall Times: "Yes, I will bear in mind. Excuse please." He then bustled his way past our reporting team and made his way to a nearby cashpoint where he withdrew the last tenner left in the MG Rover bank account by Phoenix Venture Holdings before jumping in a cab to Heathrow.

Previously

• Trabant crowned Car of the Year
• New wave of car branding targets women
• The Beetle is dead, long live socially inept car enthusiasts