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  Monday 25th July 2005  Sex   Powered by Yeast Logic
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Sex bomb suspect released

Fourteen hours' interrogation for melon fancier
by Sam Parkin

The terror suspect at the centre of last Tuesday's London Underground alert was yesterday released without charge. He was arrested at Liverpool Street tube station on suspicion of carrying a powerful sex bomb.

Neil Hobbs, a media studies lecturer from Cambridge, said that he had met an attractive, large-breasted woman called Saskia on the west-bound platform of the Central Line and had begun to chat about reality television. When their train arrived they moved forward together, but Saskia unaccountably tipped forward and seemed about to fall. He said that he had just taken her arm to steady her and help her on to the train when members of an armed police team swooped and arrested them both.

"I was taken to Paddington Green police station," said a visibly-shaken Hobbs, "and interrogated for fourteen hours about the woman I was supposed to be carrying. It was really scary, but in the end they appeared satisfied that we hadn't met before and that it was all a mistake."

Metropolitan Police Superintendent Clive Brennon apologised to Mr Hobbs over the incident, but insisted that his officers had acted in the correct manner. "We need to be vigilant at this time and any possible threats need to be dealt with. Forensic reports on the sex bomb indicate that it comprised a lethal cocktail of self-interest, vanity, ambition and great big tits like juicy, juicy melons. As such, it was very unstable and might have gone off at any time. If it had, it could have fuc*ked the whole carriage."

Saskia will now undergo the usual decommisioning procedure for sex bombs in the capital by starting work as a traffic warden in Plaistow.

A rueful Mr Hobbs said that after his experience this week he will leave his libido at home in future and restrict his interest in the opposite sex to "an occasional five-knuckle shuffle over some top-quality internet pornography".

Previously

 Girls! Have you had sex with a celebrity?