Police poised like attack sheep in war on 'Dai Qaeda'

The North Wales constabulary has acted quickly to reassure the people of the Principality of its commitment to the international "war against terrorism". A statement has been issued following reports in the Ceredigion International Herald Times that a certain banned internet website had confirmed the formation of a "Holy Alliance" between Welsh Muslim fundamentalist groups and the outlawed paramilitary organisation "The Martyrs of Mabinogion". It will be remembered that The Martyrs of Mabinogion were implicated in the famous EU farm subsidies scandal of 1999 which led to the resignation of the populist druid and Powys MEP Mr Huw Ap Sprout following revelations of underhand dealings in Brussels. Mr Sprout, who is now retired and living in Cerrigydrudion, is famously remembered for dismissing the charges against him as being "just so much hot wind".

The authorities have moved swiftly and the organisation, already dubbed "Dai Qaeda", is under investigation by a Llanfihangel Rhydithon police officer, the NFU (Llanfihangel Rogiet Branch) and the Special Branch based in Llanfihangel yn Nhowyn. PC John "the badger" Thomas who is leading the hunt for clues to the underground cell of extremists said in a short statement that with the co-ordinated efforts of all the Branches involved "no leaf would be left unturned". The authorities in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch were not available for comment.

Evidently the first hint of some unholy alliance between the outlawed Ultra-Welsh Nationalist organisation and the Muslim-based group was revealed when a local journalist on the Ceredigion International Herald Times was undertaking research into the social problems in the notorious Llanfihangel-ar-arth housing estates. Tension has been running high in the area since it was discovered that sheep rustling, which had reached epidemic levels on the nearby Brecon Beacons, was linked to money laundering by a multi-million pound Kebab franchise operating out of the Kinnock-yn-Asbo estate. Locally born foreign correspondent for the paper Mr Dewi Norman Bates, was evidently undertaking late night research on the internet when he discovered the statement on the "AllJizzisHere" website. Since then developments have moved quickly and Mr Bates is now thought to be under police protection.

In a surprise statement by MI5 it has been revealed that the possible financial mastermind behind the organisation is a certain "Middle Eastern gentleman known only to us as Sheik Nvac" who is thought to be indirectly related to the Saudi royal family. The North Wales constabularies acting on local knowledge have already swooped and several "foreign" part-time Halal meat packers from Pontrhydfendigaid and the outspoken local cleric Mr Bin Inside have already been taken into custody for questioning.

In a short statement on Monday 8 August from No 10 it was reported that both Mr Blair and former Foreign Office Minister Robin Cook are fully aware of developments.

Previously

• Man with six O-Levels makes bid for monarchy
• Lancashire man constructs world's tallest Welsh dresser
• Ron Davies 'livid' over badger allegations