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The original is at http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/2005/08/15/pope-al-qaeda.html.
Benny 16 extends 'hand across the water' to al-Qaeda
Abu Cardinal Qatada to bunk at Vatican
by Regina Marracco
In a shocking announcement yesterday by Vatican Press Secretary Msgr. Antonio Soprano, His Popiness, Benny 16, has extended an invitation to soon-to-be-deported cardinal of terror Abu Qatada to hang out at the Vatican, indefinitely.
The British Home Office, which had brokered a deal to deport Mr. Qatada to Jordan on condition he not be "killed, tortured, or forced to watch endless reruns of Will and Grace", issued a terse "No Comment" on the invite, but Sir Pete Best, the Chief Executive of the Immigration Advisory Services, admitted on condition of anonymity that "the Pope bloke is welcome to him. Abu never showers or shaves, and he always leaves the kitchen a right mess after cooking up giant pots of explosives".
"As the CEO of the Catholic industry," explained Msgr. Tony, "it is incumbent upon Ben to offer asylum to misunderstood fellow religious pioneers. It is our understanding that Abu, the al Qaeda religious ambassador to Europe, has been poorly treated by the British, and needs a place to chill for a while. As 'FishRman' (the Pope's screen name on certain websites he trawls) has an (unfortunately) well-documented history of empathy for megalomaniacs, dating back to his youth in Bavaria, it seemed like the right thing to do."
Speculation that Benny has a hidden agenda was hotly denied, although it was confirmed by the Vatican Printing Office that a new version of the Bible is in the works, following the lead of the sacred Quran, by being extremely vague and open to interpretation that violence against non-observant, materialistic, and blatantly non-observant Americans is every true Catholic's duty. Abu Cardinal Qatada is expected to recruit seminarians for a rigorous theological and physical training program, tentatively dubbed "Coming to America", taught by carefully-selected Jihadology professors.
His Popiness, who visited a synagogue in Cologne, Germany last week for only the second time in his life (the first being a rather raucous visit when his Youth Group crashed a Bar Mizvah in 1939) appealed to the religious leaders of all faiths to put aside their differences. "Why can't we all just get along?" asked the pope, paraphrasing Rodney King.
Previously
From The Rockall Times Monday 15th August 2005
http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/.