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  Monday 15th August 2005  Science   Powered by Yeast Logic
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Swedes deport rogue amphibians

Back to the Fens for 'Uppsala 73'
by Regina Marracco

The Prime Minister's Office today issued a statement that 73 pool frogs will be returned to East Anglia this week as a result of their Swedish citizenship being revoked.

Although thought to be from continental Europe, the pool frogs, one of Europe's rarest species, were found to be natives of Norfolk. It is believed that after extensive fen drainage and social class persecution, the frogs migrated to an Ikea Store artificial pond in progressive Uppsala.

Deportation specialists analyzed hours of wire-tapped mobile phone conversations in the pond and were amazed to discover the frogs had a distinctive Norfolk accent.

England Nature's amphibian specialist, Stella Artois, commented: "Tracking down the East Anglia 73 proved to be a real detective story. It has taken ten years, and millions of taxpayers' pounds to get to the bottom of the pond, so to speak."

Civil libertarians issued vociferous protests, demanding: "What's next? Will we deport all poodles because they bark with a French accent?" although their protestations were cut short by police attempting to serve a deportation warrant on a Afghan hound for allegedly planning an outrage at this year's Crufts.

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Go on then, hard man