Illegal Germans flushed out of Danzig Corridor

Helmut Sfizer packs his bags one last time before turning back to look at his house which has been his home since 1939. "I have a right to live here. Zis vas my home and ze Polish svinehunt zey haf no right to take it from me." What Herr Sfizer refuses to acknowledge is that his home was built in the Danzig Corridor, nabbed by the Nazis off Poland at the start of the Second World War.

"It beggars belief," says Dr Professor Roland Wright of the Department of Postwar Studies at Christ Almighty College, Oxford, "that these German citizens hang on to the houses knowing that this territory is part of Poland and has been for over sixty five years. Did no-one ever tell them the war was over. And lost!" Apparently not, as German and Polish police struggled to drag lederhosen-clad man and pig-tailed ladies from their gingerbread houses, the German residents chanted slogans such as "Odin is our gift" and "zis vud never have happened if Gunter Netzer had been made Chancellor in 1974".

Bemused Polish onlookers looked on bemused as wave after wave of battling householders were ferried away in Mercedes trucks and Wartburgs, bound for the suburbs of Magdeburg and Leipzig. "Push off," shouted Tomzyk Szmnzwrnkjowski, a fifty-year-old pudding maker. "Gdansk is ours. None of this Danzig cobblers. Push off back to Berlin." They threw sausages and, symbolically, bratwurst, at the passing trucks.

The UN has turned a blind eye to the German townships for over half a century and even during the troubles of Solidarity in the 1980s the Communist authorities under General Jaruzelski never made an issue of the strange German communities living amongst them. Although often subject to attacks from local Polish youths the Germans were seldom the cause of trouble, however, swastika banners displayed at Easter sometimes caused offence to tourists.

"Glad to see the back of them," said Jana Tzwmkskjkwejzski, a primary schoolteacher. "I don't know how they had the gall to steal our land and then resist attempts to send them back to Germany. They acted as if this place was given to them by God. We all know God is a Polish Catholic, and not Norwegian!"

The gingerbread houses will be demolished and replaced with twelve storey concrete block apartments painted battleship grey. Already thousands of entrepreneurial Poles, made rich off the backs of human trafficking and prostitution rings have signed up for the units with the best views of the Baltic and the decaying Gdansk shipyards. Will any remnants of the German communities be kept? The Rockall Times asked Martijn Zbrzeskwlwtna, local Gdansk planning official and property developer, what will become of the historic curiosities. "The historic curiosities will be going back to live in Germany and the buildings will be completely eradicated. We want no reminder of this shameful part of Polish history. And," he adds wagging a finger at me, "when we finish here we'll be advising our friends in Bohemia what to do with their illegal German population."

Previously

• German shatters shouting world record
• Adolf Hitler very bad: Official
• Germans plot world's longest noun