Shaken fishwife has close encounter with nothing

Local fishwife and notorious gossip Eileen Prestidigitator was yesterday recovering at home after seeing nothing at all whilst visiting a popular local landmark. Mrs. Potato, 46, from Scudbury-Fyke in Lincolnshire, had gone to the castle with her husband Dave and their two children when she "came over all funny" while approaching a set of stairs.

"It was so weird," said Eileen. "As I got to the steps, I felt the presence of nothing whatsoever. The experience was so harrowing I had to sit down."

Luckily, Eileen's husband Dave, who scavenges in bins for a living, was on hand with his stolen digital camera to capture the non-event for posterity. "If you look closely you can quite clearly see nothing in the right hand corner of the picture, it's spooky," he said.

A visibly-shaken spokesman for the castle told us Eileens brush with non-existence was not an isolated case. "Many middle-aged women with time on their hands and a lust for astrology have reported seeing nothing whilst visiting the castle," he told The Rockall Times.

"Only last week, a woman from Leeds smelling strongly of cooking sherry had to be led to a bench after feeling the presence of sod all in the dungeons. It's puzzling," he admitted, glancing nervously over his shoulder.

Previously

• The fallen Angel of the North
• Lady Di memorial moat floats fans' boat
• Council unveils bench