Bastard sues bastard over alleged attack

Nutcase 'came out of the shadows'

by BP Perry

Ti Copperfield, a local bastard, was allegedly attacked by Jim Stink, another local bastard, over a disagreement involving a Ford Cortina, a court of disinterested jurors heard last Friday. Mr. Copperfield, who was sentenced to two years hard labour in 1991 after stealing a monastery, was walking from one violent pub to another one when the attack supposedly took place.

"It was a nightmare," Mr. Copperfield lied to the court, "There I was, minding my business, when this nutcase came out of the shadows armed with a spanner. I don’t think I’ll ever get over the shock."

Defending for Mr. Stink, disgruntled barrister Hugo Morabilas informed the court that his client was two hundred miles away at the time of the attack attending an illegal dog-fighting championship in which Mr. Stink had a vested interest.

"I fail to see," he muttered to Justice Harry Peach, who slumbered peacefully in his chair, "how my client could have attacked the witness when, at the time, he was engaged in goading his Staffordshire bull-terrier by tying rubber-bands around its balls. Several witnesses would no doubt testify to this fact if only they could be found."

Mr. Stink, who runs a successful internet child pornography website and money lending operation, was today unavailable for comment after suffering serious gunshot wounds to the head thought to be a result of an altercation with his four-year-old son Lee. In his absence, Mr. Copperfield is claiming damages of twelve months' free subscription to Sky Sports and a submarine. The case continues.

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Bastard sues bastard over alleged attack

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