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The original is at http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/2005/09/05/everton-triumph.html.
Everton triumph in failed bid to sign Owen, Kuyt, Uncle, Tom, Cobbly, All
Moyes upbeat as non-acquisitions continue
by Juan Sebastian Gaucho
Everton boss David Moyes has spoken of his pride at not managing to get England striker Michael Owen or Dutch forward Dirk Kuyt to sign for his side but promised his sights were set at the same level as they always were.
It was a change of policy for the Everton boss who has received much praise for the way he "goes about his business" transfer-wise with no fuss or publicity. But faced with criticism that last season's signing of James Beattie might have indicated that things are looking up, the fiery Scot has determined to tell it like it is.
"They're not the only players we've failed to sign," he told a gaggle of excited scallies. "Not by any means: we've also failed to sign Ronaldo, Raul, Zidane, Roberto Carlos, Ronaldinhio, Maldini, Cafu, Figo, Luque, Davids, Pizarro, Ballack, Deco, Henry, Totti, Et'o, Lampard, Robinho, van der Vaart..."
His voice rising to a crescendo of excitement, he added: "Defoe, Veron, Samuel and Buffon aren't likely to be seen here any time soon, either.
"However we have got Phil Neville so things are looking up," enthused Moyes before running from the room with his cheque book in his hand.
Previously
From The Rockall Times Monday 5th September 2005
http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/.