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  Monday 5th September 2005  World News   Powered by Yeast Logic
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Sematics blight Iraq insurrection

'I'm exhausted', admits masked insurgent
by Alvin Jazeera

There are growing concerns in some parts of Iraq that that the difficulties and complications in resolving the country's new Constitution could be having a negative effect on the health of the insurgency.

"I'm exhausted by it all," said one masked fighter speaking in the rebel-held city of Haditha. "With all these amendments and changes, my men and I have spend valuable time worrying about the location of full stops and commas in this document, the real meaning and implications of federalism across our nation, and the correct role for religion to play in the social life of the state. Some nights when I get home after a hard day beheading police recruits, I'm almost too tired to manufacture any decent-sized car bombs and plan any roadside attacks for the next day."

As our visibly-shattered insurgent spoke, in the background there was an excited chatter amongst his colleagues as they listened intently to a discussion programme on the BBC World Service about the uncanny parallels with the Philadelphia Constitutional Convention of 1787.

Particularly dangerous to political accord in Iraq has been the flood of clauses inserted into the text of the Constitution by the Kurds and Shi'ites. "We're terrified," said one Sunni guerrilla breathlessly. "There's no way we can live safely with these constant proposals, plans, and suggestions. The drafting team we have is not properly trained to consider the sort of stuff on offer and there's a high desertion rate amongst our people working on the documents because they get offered more money to work elsewhere. Dealing with these sort of sub-clauses is no fun whatsoever when you're trying to ferment rebellion and insurgency." Some American experts have opined that this may be akin to concerns expressed by the states of Virginia and Massachusetts over 200 hundred years ago.

Reports from all around the country have spoken of the growing instability in the draft constitution and the likely pernicious effects on the time available for inter-communal attacks and sniper shootings. However, there was one piece or good news when USA President George Bush stated that he believed everything would still work itself all out.

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