Katrina: God or Osama? (Pub-friendly) [The Rockall Times]

Devil Kill, North Carolina — An al-Qaeda-linked website called the "Catastrophe in New Orleans" points to the "wrath of God striking an arrogant America." Now homeless and destitute, many Americans agree.

"God made this happen for a reason," said New Orleans resident John Washington Carver, who had been rescued by boat from the roof of the local lock-up after he hung his orange jumpsuit from a flagpole. "We're spending billions of dollars going after Osama bin Laden. Maybe God, or Osama, is telling us we should be spending that money closer to home, fighting crime and drugs," he added darkly.

At the Astrodome in Houston, where thousands of homeless were provided with a cot and a bible, the message was the same."Natural disaster is caused by the sin in the world," preached Maj. Jim-Bob Jones, a Salvation Army chaplain. "Obviously, Americans sin a hell of a lot more than other countries." As the Salvation Army band played What a friend we have in Jesus, he added: "These acts of God sometime need a little 'push', like blowing up the levees with plastic explosives, to get folks' attention." He declined to elaborate further.

Mary Magdalene O'Toole, the spiritual advisor of the American Atheists Society complained: "We're getting reports that 'aid' groups are flying evangelists into the stricken areas, and that the US Army is giving out bibles, not food or water. This situation has the hand of 'Allah' (whom we don't believe exists) or Osama written all over it."

In a related story, U.S. Customs provided over 300,00 items of knock-off clothing, sporting labels such as Tommy Hilfinger and Yves St. Laurent, to Katrina victims. The clothing, which had been seized in customs raids, was manufactured in Pakistan and the United Arab Emirates for sale to designer label-conscious Americans who don't care that their "Tommies" were made in an al-Qaeda factory in Islamabad.

Katrina: God or Osama?

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