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  Monday 12th September 2005  World News   Powered by Yeast Logic
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The Big Easy: Redefining the heroism paradigm?

A Rockall Times editorial special
by Ian Ascough

Hurricane Katrina's legacy to the world is much more than simple death, destruction, anarchy, pillage, murder, thieving and rape. The hurricane which is considered to be responsible for the worst natural disaster in the history of the universe has also thrown new light on the question of what constitutes heroism.

Peter Beardsley: HeroThose of us who have no idea of what it's like to live in squalid third world countries like Africa, Kosovo, Mexico, Eritanea, France and the United States have our own opinion of heroism. Andrew "Freddie" Flintoff, Sir Edmund Hilary, David Beckham and Prince Andrew are modern heroes respected the world over. Jeremy Clarkson, Boris Johnson, Sir Richard Branson, Peter Beardsley and Stephen Fry are heroes. The lead singer of The Beautiful South, Paul Heaton, is a hero. Denis Thatcher and Brian Clough were heroes. New Order's Peter Hook and Bernard Sumner? Heroes. The Media coverage of last week's minor accident in America's deep south, however, has suggested that our comfortable and long-held understanding of heroism might have now changed irrevocably and beyond all recognition.

As the citizens of New Orleans plumbed new depths of depravity, their jazzy town came to resemble other American towns like Los Angeles, Boston, Chicago, New York, Detroit, Las Vegas, San Franciso, Portland, Miami, Philadelphia, Reno, Salt Lake City, Des Moines, Witchita, Omaha, Nashville, Tampa Bay, New Jersey, Saint Louis, Anaheim, San Jose, Albuquerque, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Denver and Seattle — towns in which rape, murder, looting and crimes against humanity are a daily occurrence, part of The American Way® and not in the slightest bit newsworthy.

Who will forget, however, the pictures of the lionhearted Louisiana woman knee-deep in filthy, putrid water surrounded by bloated, floating corpses, bravely pulling her shopping trolley stacked to capacity with contraband loot and other people's possessions? The image of her managing to continue living The American Dream™ while all around her had descended into utter chaos is truly one of the images of this recent godsend for fledgling news reporters and tired media hacks. With a microphone thrust into her mouth, she responded to the question of her new-found refugee status with typical all-American eloquence and reserve. "I ain't no refoogee," she trilled through her broken and rotten teeth. "I's a saviva." Pausing only to stab another victim of Hurricane Katrina and steal the old lady's diamond ring, hat, dentures and tupperware set, she continued: "I's more of a hee-ro than a saviva. I's a hee-ro," she cackled before courageously continuing her way in search of more sunken treasures.

So, as we wait for Hollywood to churn out the first of many big-budget masterpieces devoted to the story of Hurricane Katrina, we must all ask ourselves; who will be cast as the most heroic of them all? Only a fool would bet against Matt Damon and Tom Cruise, but The Rockall Times Hollywood desk suspects Tom Hanks will be certain to play a part in the film and perhaps even direct the account. Which British actor will be chosen to play the camp, moustachioed, simpering and effete baddie with a French accent? Since America's President Bush would have us believe black people are looters, thieves, drug addicts, rapists and vagabonds intent on undermining the very fabric of society and white people simply heroes desperate for food, what part will the world's only black actors Samuel L. Jackson, Morgan Freeman and Denzel Washington play? Which Hispanic actor will be cast in the role of good-natured but slightly retarded sidekick? Will the special effects be as excellent and believable as those in epic 1996 Warner Bros. picture Twister with Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton?

While America sorts itself out those of us in the civilised world who depend on Hollywood for our unintentional comedy can only wait with bated breath.

Previously

 Go on then, hard man